Dating

Over the past few decades, the definition of dating has changed significantly. It used to mean going out on dates (actual activities that were planned before hand, with one specific person that actually asked you out), as often as possible! It didn't have to be the same person the week after or even the night after. And The purpose wasn't to hook-up, make-out, or even to find a significant other. It was merely to get to know people, make friends, and get a little bit of a better idea of what you wanted in a spouse when that time came. In fact, people didn't date exclusively (they called that courting by the way) until they were pretty sure they wanted to marry the person! Sounds so old fashioned doesn't it? 

Why on earth would people want to "date" in that way? There is a lot more short term risk, what if you decide you want to be exclusive with that cute boy after a few months of "dating" but they are in love with someone that they've been dating, while they've been dating you (and like 3 other girls), Ouch. This also requires a lot more effort, can you imagine having to go through the whole, "Hi, my name is... and I'm from..." with someone new every weekend? Sounds pretty exhausting doesn't it? But surely there was some sort of benefit otherwise, why would they do it? In fact, the benefits far outweigh the risks in my opinion. While there is more short term risk there is A LOT less long term risk. While it may take a little longer to find that quarter among the dimes, you have a strong assurance that he is in fact a quarter because you didn't rush into things. As far as effort goes, yes, putting yourself out there repeatedly is tiring and emotionally draining at times. But wouldn't you much rather prefer a guy who tried his best and actually wanted you to have a good time? Effort shows commitment and a willingness to grow. The main reason why this way of dating was so ingenious is because of one, simple word. Practice. Practice makes perfect, right?! Right! Well, maybe not perfect, but a heck of a lot better than someone who has never been on a date before. When we go on dates we practice our conversation skills, our communication skills, our manners, and so many other things! 

Today's dating looks quite different though doesn't it? While older times went dating, courtship, engagement, marriage. It now looks more like dating, engagement/cohabitating (Living together), wedding. We skip a few steps and end in a bit of a different area than the other one does. Nowadays, we are first friends and then if we like them, we start exclusively dating them right from the get go! I'm not saying that relationships that start like this are doomed for failure, (I certainly hope not because mine is quite similar), but it does have some distinct disadvantages to the other one. For starters, there is much higher long term risk, if you exclusively date the first guy that catches your eye, how can you be sure he's the best when you have nothing to compare him to? There's also no need for effort, you can pick up your phone and with a few swipes of your finger you can find your soulmate! (not). You don't build the kind of connection you need for a relationship as serious as marriage. 

Now, I think it would be pretty difficult to revert 100% back to dating habits 20 years ago, especially if you're the only one doing it. But there are some things you can do to greatly improve your dating life and therefore future marriage. For starters, STOP HANGING OUT. Should I shout it louder for those in the back? Hanging out, no matter what media may portray, is not the equivalent of dating. All it is, is an excuse for people to get "close" without any real commitment or effort. A date should be planned for in advance, paid for by whoever asked who (or split between the 2 if that's how you prefer), and paired off. Meaning it should be very clear to both parties that you are in fact on a date and that you are both in agreement that there is interest in each other. The 3 p's of dating, you should live by them! You should also do activities that provide a variety of entertainment/experiences. You don't learn much about a person's character by binge watching Stranger Things with them. If you were to go for a hike or paint a water color together, you provide an opportunity to talk and learn things about them. Hopefully you enjoy your dates more!