In our society I think it is safe to say that fathers, and just men in general, get a very bad rap. Men do so much good in society, especially when measuring their effect on the family. I recently studied an article by Elizabeth Thompson entitled, Fatherlessness in Childhood: A Contributing Factor to Substance Abuse in Adult Males. Much of what I will be sharing today comes from her article.
Thompson brings up a few good points about the devastating effects of fatherlessness. She says that 23.6% of children in America are growing up without a father. That is more than double what it was in 1960! And the number is only growing. The United States has the highest rates of fatherless homes than anywhere else in the world. Those are heartbreaking statistics! That means that one in three children in this country are currently living without their dad.
She says that there are multiple factors that are contributing to these numbers but the three highest are cohabitation, non-marital childbearing, and divorce. These factors make sense when you realize that each of those situations are statistically on the rise as well. The number of couples actually getting married vs. just living together has greatly increased in the past few years. 40% of childbirths in the U.S. are to single-mothers, and while marriage rates per 1,000 people are 6.8; divorce rates per 1,000 is 3.4... Literally Half! In other words, the family as we know it is deteriorating at an alarming rate and children are paying the price for it.
She mentions in her article that a father affects everything from a child's mental and emotional health, to their academic achievement, and even to the likeliness of them participating in risky and dangerous behaviors. Fathers can even affect their child's sexuality! Literally every part of a child's development is influenced by a father, for better or worse.
When I look back on my own life, I can see that my entire outlook was shaped by my parents. Not just my mom, but both of them. If I had just been raised by my mom I wouldn't know a lot of the things I do. Like how to fix a snowmobile, or change my oil, or how to make some really delicious jalapeño poppers. Most important though, I wouldn't have learned what it means to be treated right by a man. I would have been left to figure that essential lesson out on my own with some pretty bad experiences as my teachers. My dad is by no means perfect, in fact I learned just as much or more from the mistakes he made as I did from the great examples he set. He was however, involved as much as he could be in my childhood and I know that I wouldn't be half the person I am today without him.
I am not meaning to downplay the effects of a mother. Mom's bring something to the table that nothing on earth can duplicate. But the same is true for fathers. I think there is this idea that if we give proper credit to men, it will only feed into the "toxic masculinity" narrative that exists. And that by doing so we will somehow undermine the great work that women do. I think nothing could be farther from the truth. Marriage is supposed to be about appreciating and complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses. There are things that men can do that woman can't. And there are obviously things that women can do that men can't. Men and Women are meant to work together as equal partners in every aspect of their relationship. That includes nurturing their children.
Society needs men, families need men, women need men; but most importantly, children need good fathers.