Sex & Fidelity
Sex can be an awkward topic no matter who you're talking to or what part of sex you're talking about. But it doesn't have to be, in fact it shouldn't be! There are a lot of aspects about sex that more people should be aware of. Proper education in this area could save a lot of people a lot of heartache.
Anyone who is married can tell you that there are plenty of differences between men and women when it comes to sex. Aside from the obvious differences, an important one is the differences in orgasms. An orgasm is defined as, the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female (Mariam Webster Dictionary). The reason why this is an important difference is because this is usually how people define whether or not their sex-life is satisfying.
Men experience an orgasm much differently than women. It can happen very quickly with no foreplay necessary, the average time is between 5-7 minutes but varies dramatically. Once men reach that climax though, they have a refractory period (or cooling off period) where they can't get aroused again for a while after. The length of the refractory depends mainly on age and can be anywhere from 15 minutes or less to upwards of a couple hours. It takes a lot more work for women to reach that climax. They can't just turn on their arousal as fast as men. They require time to relax and get a feeling of safety and closeness before their body is really ready for that, which is why it can take an average of 14 minutes before a woman reaches an orgasm. Once she reaches that climax, she is actually able to reach multiple orgasms after that with no refractory period necessary. On top of those differences, men begin to feel the need for sex again only a few days after. Where as women are only truly "in the mood" right before their periods, because of the release of testosterone in their bodies. So only a day or two every month!
Armed with that information. It is pretty easy to see why so many couples aren't feeling satisfied in their sex-life. It could be because you and your husband just never seem to be in the mood at the same time. Or it could be because your husband doesn't understand the time needed for you to reach that climax too.
Whatever the reason, this issue can cause a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings within a marriage. Which is why infidelity is such a common problem. It is easy to think that the problems with your sex life can't be fixed simply because you and your spouse aren't "sexually compatible". (But you and your cute coworker that always listens so intently to your problems definitely might be!) Um.. Reality check. Your problems may be simply because your views on sex are wrong. The world would have us think that sex is about you, and that the most important thing is you feeling satisfied. Your concern is on your needs, not your spouse's needs. Sex, should ultimately be unselfish. You should look at it with a, "what can I do to help them feel loved and wanted" attitude rather than, "they better make me feel loved and wanted." When sex is looked at in an unselfish way, it becomes so much more enjoyable. It should be seen as the most profound way to express your love, adoration, and respect for your spouse.
Now, I'm not saying that every time your husband wants to have sex you need to go through with it. Nor am I saying that you should never expect to experience the same level of pleasure your spouse does. All I'm saying is that whenever sex is brought up, it should be handled with respect and love on both sides. Let your husband know that you love him but just aren't feeling it tonight, communicate to your spouse that you want to experience the same things they do during sex. Let it all be done in love and humility and your sex-life/marriage can change for the better!
