What About Children?

I have heard a lot of people with a lot of different opinions on children. Some are all for it, wanting eight kids and maybe even adopting a few more. Others, think they're the worst thing that could happen in life and should be avoided like the plague. With such opposing extremes, it can be difficult to develop an opinion that is entirely our own and not just a "borrowed" or overly biased one. 

Let's first explore what some of the benefits of parenthood are. Parents are found to be much happier and find more meaning in their lives compared to their childless counter parts. They are also found to be less lonely and cope better with trials in life. These benefits are especially true for parents who are married to each other. Another benefit of parenthood is that you leave behind a legacy. This is found to correlate with satisfaction in life.

Now what are the downsides of parenthood? The biggest one would probably be the disruption. Children come along and change everything you thought you knew about yourself, your spouse, and your life as a whole. Having a child usually requires the parents to completely change their lifestyle. The spouse's relationship can also suffer greatly. Their sex-life takes a backseat and they become more like business partners than lovers. Not to mention the affects it can have on a woman. They can have a number of health problems, both physical and mental. It also makes it much more difficult to have a career if you become a mother. 

Hearing both sides you are probably thinking, "why on earth would I want a kid then?" Well, while children disrupt your life, they also bring more meaningful and happy moments than you would have otherwise. Nearly every parent I've asked about parenthood say something along the lines of, "I didn't know I could love someone that deeply." Our ability to feel empathy and love, grow tremendously when children are brought into the picture. As far as your relationship suffering, it is incredibly easy to let other things get in the way of you and your spouse's intimacy. Yes your sex-life might take a hit. But your intimacy and closeness doesn't have to die. A child doesn't ruin your relationship, and it wouldn't fix it either (I definitely know people who have thought that.) It is completely up to you and your spouse what happens to your relationship. As in any situation! Intimacy doesn't just happen, whether you have children or not. It requires constant and diligent effort.

I am a Christian. I have been taught my whole life that being a mother is one of the most important things I can do in my life. I have come to personally believe it. Who has a greater impact on children than their parents? Couples literally change the world when they have kids! I have always heard that "having children is between you, your spouse, and the Lord." I 100% agree! No one, not your mom, your mother-in-law, your grandma, your best friend, or your siblings get to tell you when to have a kid or how many. That is a deeply personal and life-changing decision. It is a journey that should be greatly considered and thought through before starting.

The only people that can answer the question of whether or not you should have kids are you and your spouse. It is a decision that will truly affect every part of your life. But the risk, heartache, and trouble will be worth it every day that you get to enjoy your little (or big) family.